Being Wise in Your Relationships

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Being Wise in Your Relationships 

 

"But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace-loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness" (James 3:17-18).

 

 

Every person you know is unique. Each one is a complex blend of background, temperament, and giftedness. Yet, these differences are often the root of relational conflict. Uniqueness poses all kinds of communication problems—so often we simply don't understand each other! We may use the same words but with very different meaning.

We're wise when we recognize and value the differences in people. Our uniqueness requires that we use wisdom in order to relate to others in customized ways, rather than relating to everyone with the same, rigid style, as if everyone will think and respond the same way.

The Bible tells us the characteristics of genuine wisdom: "The wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure and full of quiet gentleness. Then it is peace-loving and courteous. It allows discussion and is willing to yield to others; it is full of mercy and good deeds. It is wholehearted and straightforward and sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of goodness" (James 3:17-18).

From these verses we learn six ways to be wise when we relate to others. If I am biblically wise...

1. I will not compromise my integrity (wisdom is pure).

    I'll be honest with you. I'll keep my promises and commitments to you.

2. I will not antagonize your anger (wisdom is peace-loving).

    I'll work at maintaining harmony. I won't push your hot buttons.

3. I will not minimize your feelings (wisdom is courteous).

    I may not feel as you do, but I won't ignore or ridicule how you feel.

4. I will not criticize your suggestions (wisdom allows discussion).

    I can disagree with you without being disagreeable.

5. I will not emphasize your mistakes (wisdom is full of mercy).

    Instead of rubbing it in, I'll rub it out.

6. I will not disguise my motivations (wisdom is wholehearted and sincere).

    I'll be authentic with you. I won't con or manipulate you.

 

 

 

 

 

Biblical Marriage: Love God and Love Your Spouse 

 

"'Teacher,' he asked, 'Which is the greatest commandment in the Law?' Jesus answered, ''Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the greatest and the most important commandment. The second most important commandment is like it: 'Love your neighbor as you love yourself''" (Matthew 22:36-39).

 

Any successful marriage is built upon the biblical truth that God designed each of us with five purposes in mind: worship, fellowship, discipleship, ministry, and missions.

I suppose you'd expect a man who's been married over thirty years to a beautiful, intelligent woman to be able to share with you the intimate secrets to having a perfect marriage.

But I'm going to disappoint you! That's because Kay and I don't have a perfect marriage. She is without a doubt my best friend, and we have a wonderful relationship, but as far as a perfect marriage, well, there's no such thing.

What Kay and I do have is a marriage centered on Christ, specifically focused on glorifying God. We remain committed to each other because we remain committed to Christ and his work within us.

Jesus said the greatest commandment is to "love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind." Then he added, "The second most important commandment is like it: 'Love your [spouse] as you love yourself'" (Matthew 22:37,39).

In this sense, you worship God when you love and sacrifice for your spouse. That brings pleasure to God, and any time you give pleasure to God, you're worshiping him. Read through Romans 12 with a view of what its applications would mean to your marriage: "Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other" (Romans 12:10).
  

 

 

 

 

Biblical Marriage: Part of God's Family 

 

"For where two or three come together in My name, I am there with them" (Matthew 18:20).

 

 Any successful marriage is built upon the biblical truth that God designed each of us with five purposes in mind: worship, fellowship, discipleship, ministry, and missions.

Until you realize you and your mate were placed together for God's purposes, then your marriage will be difficult, complicated, and exhausting. But once you understand God's plan, your marriage takes on new meaning.

You and your spouse were formed for God's family. God made an incredible promise about the gathering of even just two believers: "For where two or three come together in My name, I am there with them" (Matthew 18:20).

So if both you and your spouse are believers, God is already in your marriage working to transform the two of you into a purpose driven family!

Your marriage is a lab for learning how to love like Jesus loves. Within marriage, God has created an opportunity for us to develop a true intimacy and authenticity with another human being.

To go this deep requires genuine, heart-to-heart, gut-level sharing, where you and your spouse get honest about who you are and what's going on in your lives. This happens when you both share your hurts, reveal your feelings, confess your failures, disclose your doubts, admit your fears, acknowledge your weaknesses, and ask each other for help and prayer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Biblical Marriage: Growing in Christ Together 

 

"I have set an example for you, so that you will do just what I have done for you" (John 13:15).

 

Any successful marriage is built upon the biblical truth that God designed each of us with five purposes in mind: worship, fellowship, discipleship, ministry, and missions.

You and your spouse were both created to become like Christ. God uses your spouse to build his values, attitudes, morals, and character within you. God uses your spouse, and your relationship with each other, to form you into an image of Jesus.

Once you understand this, a lot of what happens within your marriage will begin to make more sense. When you start to ask, "Why is this happening to me?" The answer is—to make you more like Jesus!

If God's purpose for each of our lives is to make us look more like Jesus, what better tool could he use than the marriage relationship? Who better for God to use to chisel you than the person you live with seven days a week? God is using each of you to shape the other person more and more into the image of Jesus.

God's work within your marriage is designed to produce "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, humility, and self-control" within you and your spouse (Galatians 5:22-23).
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Biblical Marriage: on Mission Together 

 

"In the same way that You gave me a mission in the world, I give them a mission in the world. I'm consecrating myself for their sakes so they'll be truth-consecrated in their mission" (John 17:18-19).

 

Any successful marriage is built upon the biblical truth that God designed each of us with five purposes in mind: worship, fellowship, discipleship, ministry, and missions.

You and your spouse were both made for a mission. Your marriage not only involves ministry, it also involves mission. Your ministry is to believers and your mission is to non-believers—allowing God to use your marriage as a means for telling others about his love.

This may take many forms, from being a witness in your neighborhood to going overseas on mission trips together. The fact is, if you want God's blessing on your marriage, then you must care about what God cares about most.

What is that? He wants His lost children found! He wants everyone to know Him and His purposes for their lives.

Marriage is a life-long process designed to teach you to see the needs of another person as more important than your own. It's a difficult transition because it's not natural. To think this way requires an intentional shift that can be made only through the power of God in your life.

The reward, however, is greater than anything you could ever imagine. God's plan for your marriage is wider and deeper than anything in your wildest, craziest dreams.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Purpose Driven Connection  by Rick Warren