Resolve to Manage Your Anger

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Resolve to Manage Your Anger

 

"Love . . . is not easily angered" (1 Corinthians 13:5).

 

The Bible says, "Love is not easily angered." It doesn't say love never gets angry at all. In fact, sometimes the loving thing to do is to get angry. Jesus became angry in the Temple when he saw his Father's house being run like a marketplace.

At the same time, we can love someone and still get angry at that person. Sometimes the anger may be 'righteous' and sometimes it may be 'selfish,' but the people we love the most are the ones most likely to make us angry.

My point is this: God placed the capacity to get angry into your biological makeup. Being angry is not a sin; it can become a sin if we allow it to push us into destructive behavior, but the emotion itself is not a sin. The Bible says even God gets angry.

You can't avoid anger, but you can learn how to control it. You can resolve to manage it, so it becomes an asset, rather than a liability. This means you quit making excuses and justifying your anger: "That's just me. I just blow up. I can't control it."

Anger can be controlled. Have you ever been in a fight with someone and things are getting pretty loud, but then the telephone rings? Notice how quickly you can manage your anger! You've got a lot more control over your anger than you think you do. Resolve to manage it, then confess, "I can control my anger with God's help."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anger: Reflect Before You Respond

 

"A rebel shouts in anger; a wise man holds his temper in and cools it" (Proverbs 29:11).

 

When you're angry, don't respond impulsively. Delay is a great tool in controlling anger. I'm not saying delay indefinitely, or even beyond a day; the Bible says don't go to sleep when you're angry. I'm talking about delaying it for five minutes.

When you start to get ticked off, you take 'time out' for a few minutes. Give yourself some time to stop, reflect and think it through. If you don't stop and think, you are likely to do the wrong thing. You need to reflect before you respond.

When we get angry, we need to get in the habit of stepping back, waiting a few minutes, and looking at the situation from God's point of view. Notice the Bible says a wise man lets his anger cool down (Proverbs 29:11). So 'cool it' is a Biblical term! A modern translation might be: "The wise man waits and chills out." Thomas Jefferson, the author of the U.S. Declaration of Independence, said, "When angry, count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred."

While you're cooling down, ask yourself three questions to help you understand why you are angry:

- Why am I angry?
- What do I really want?
- How can I get it?

Understanding the reason for your anger will give you greater patience and, perhaps, even the ability to overlook an offense (Proverbs 19:11).

 

 

 

 

 

 

Release Your Anger Appropriately

 

"If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin" (Ephesians 4:26).

 

There are helpful ways and harmful ways to release your anger. For instance, sometimes we'd rather remain angry than admit to our anger. Yet, the Bible says that to be angry and not admit that you are angry is lying. And that's a sin.

Keep in mind: anger is not necessarily wrong. It only becomes wrong if we release it in a way that is inappropriate or destructive. My experience as a pastor is that most of us learned to express our anger when we were two or three years old, and we're still expressing our anger in the same way as adults. Needless to say, this simply doesn't work.

Most people express their anger in such a way that they end up farther away from their goal than they were before they became angry. Anger, expressed inappropriately, has the opposite effect of producing the intended results. Blowing up at people never produces lasting change; it only produces more anger and alienation. We know that but we still do it. It doesn't produce lasting change.

Something to keep in mind is that anger is never really the root problem. It is usually a symptom that reveals one of three things is happening: hurt, fear, frustration. These are the three things that make us angry, and this is why we should always stop and cool down. It allows us to think:

- Am I hurt?
- Am I afraid? Perhaps feeling threatened, or that I'm going to lose something of value?
- Or, am I frustrated?
Understanding the source of your anger will help you respond in an appropriate manner, so that your anger does not "lead you into sin" (Ephesians 4:26).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anger: Re-pattern Your Mind

 

"Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind" (Romans 12:2).

 

The way we act is determined by the way we feel. The way we feel is determined by the way we think. If we want to change the way we act, we've got to change the way we think. If we want to change a habitual pattern of improper anger management—pouting, blowing up, criticizing, etc.—then we need to have some mental reconditioning.

Gary Smalley suggests you begin asking yourself questions like, "Do I enjoy getting angry?" "Does it produce the intended results when I get angry?" "Could I get the same results in a more effective way?" "How would I be different?"

Smalley suggests you write it down and read it aloud to yourself once a week for six months, that's 26 times. Take the time to read it in the presence of another person. That may seem like a lot of work, but how serious are you about changing this habit in your life? How serious are you about getting control of your anger?

I'd suggest using Bible verses in your letter, so that as God's Word fills your thoughts, you're transformed by the renewing of your mind. It's going to change you.

The truth is, angry people are insecure people. The more insecure I am, the more things tick me off. The more insecure I am, the more upset I get and the more irritable I am.

But here's the thing: when you understand how much God loves you and you understand your security in Christ, when you understand how much you matter to God, then you are less likely to be irritable.

Homework: Read Ephesians 1 and Romans 8. They are anti-anger biblical passages because they teach us how deeply God loves us, and that we are secure in him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anger: Relate to People who Are Patient

 

"Don't hang out with angry people; don't keep company with hotheads. Bad temper is contagious - don't get infected" (Proverbs 22:24-25).

 

Is anger contagious? Yes. Can you be infected by somebody else's anger? Certainly. Ever been in a situation where they get loud and you do too? What's happening? There's a transfer of energy. It's contagious.

If you are serious about changing an imbedded, habitual lifestyle of inappropriate anger management, then you need to start hanging out with other people who know how to manage their anger. That's one of the benefits of a church. That's why I believe in joining a church family and getting involved in a small group. You pick up positive values.

The methods we use to express our anger are learned. Since they're learned, they can be unlearned. Parents, every time I blow up and lose my cool, I'm modeling inappropriate anger to my kids. They're learning and you're teaching.

James Dobson says, "Successful marriages are not those marriages where anger or conflicts do not exist. But rather, successful marriages are where they've learned to manage their anger. When anger is managed, it produces great marriages." I'd like to add this: When anger is managed, it also produces great friendships and churches and businesses. It produces great leaders because it channels the emotional energy of anger into a focus that will potentially produce tremendous good.

Let's pray:

"Dear God, I resolve to manage my anger. Today, with your help, I'm going to take control of my temper. I've fallen in the past, but today I make a new commitment, a new start. Help me to realize the cost of my anger: that it causes arguments and mistakes, that it causes me to do foolish things and get into all kinds of trouble. When I lose my temper, I always lose.

"Father, help me to reflect before reacting, to have wisdom and ask myself, 'Why am I angry? What do I really want? How can I get it?' Help me to see the causes beneath my anger. Help me to release my anger appropriately, no longer expressing it through violence, shouting, pouting or just being quiet and holding it in as a grudge. Help me to admit it, confess it to you, myself, and others.

"Help me to re-pattern my mind, to spend daily time with you in your word, have a daily quiet time where my mind can be slowly transformed to think the thoughts that are correct and bring the behavior that I want. Help me to relate to people who have learned or are learning to manage their anger. I pray this is Jesus' name, knowing you are listening and answering. Amen."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PurposeDriven.com by Rick Warren