Dare To Be Yourself

 

           I am in a state of internal chaos right now. I have to make an important decision on my own. Either I live up to the filial piety for my mother in Korea or I pursue my artistic career as a proud daughter of my father in the USA. This great anxiety started because of my mother. She is a diabetic with Parkinson’s disease. Her diabetes needs intensive care and support, and she has Parkinson’s disease as well. I sense that there isn’t much time left for her.

 

 

 

 

Two years ago, I went to Korea for my mom’s 70^th birthday celebration party. I was shocked to see such drastic changes in her that I couldn’t recognize right away. She couldn’t manage her movement as well as she used to do. She has not just aged a lot, but she is also under heavy medication for three different illnesses, including high blood pressure.

 

 

 

         During the last two years, I made several trips to Korea to take care of her. Every single time, it was hard for me to leave her in such poor physical condition. She deserves better than this. I know how much she dedicated herself to her five siblings, who had gotten their college educations because of her, since she was the oldest. She only had a happy married life for 24 years, supporting her husband until he passed away. As a widow, she continued to dedicate her life to her three kids for another 20 years. 

 

     I’ve been aching a lot for her from deep inside my heart and I couldn’t stop thinking about her all the time ever since I saw her. My older brother, an oriental herb and acupuncture doctor, is checking on her health and has hired a nursing lady who can cook and take care of her. However, it is not good enough for her to live like that. I think that one of her kids should live with her and be a good company to cheer her up just as she did for us. I am the right candidate among her three kids since I don’t have any children and my husband is pretty much an independent person who understands my situation well.

 

 

 

           Another of my concerns is for a great artist: my father’s memorial art exhibition. I promised myself that I’d be preparing for the 25^th memorial exhibition, along with the honorable art book in 2009 in Korea, and after that, I’d host his exhibition all over the world. I also have a plan for building my professional career as an artist, art professor, and museum director in the future.

 

           I’d like to contribute my efforts to publicize my father’s art theories in his art book. My MFA graduate thesis will be “A Great Artist, SeokJung NamGoong Hoon’s Aesthetic Spirit”. once my father expressed his aesthetic view to artists: “If you are bounded by tradition, you become old-fashion. If you ignore this, you have lost your nature and roots. If you persist in tradition, you are isolated from the outside world, if you are sensitive to the thoughts of the world; you have forfeited your character.” I translated his words, trying to convey his meaning exactly and leave the original Koreans unique rhythm. I’d love to pass his great thoughts on, not only to young artists but through out the world.

 

           While I prepare for the exhibition, my MFA degree will lead me to seek opportunities to work at the Art Museum in Won Kwang University, where my father used to be the first Dean of the Art College. I really want to make this project work so I can publicize my father’s masterpieces and his spiritual and artistic thoughts all over the world.

 

 

It is an important decision in between the apprehension for my mother and the accomplishment for my father including myself. Both are connected with the same time period. My mother needs me now since she’s in critical condition and I have to get my education done for the project and for my future. This important decision also requires either a move to Korea or a stay in the USA, depending on what I decide. I’m still in a stage of conflict to figure out what is really the most important decision for my parents and for my life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

March 22, 2004

S. Rhee

[English AX 6680]